Coming Back to the Road

I’ve been blogging for about half a year. By no means it is long enough to say I am an expert or anything, but I have felt comfortable with my own writing routines. Or it seemed so a couple of weeks ago.

I spent last two weeks away from the blogosphere revising my aims and goals, and it made me lose connection with the writing habit that I considered to be pretty solid. It feels as if I was going along a road that I knew would bring me somewhere, but then I stepped aside, just for a moment, and sat down on the grass and looked up at the sky, at white clouds slowly float above. And when it’s time to get back to the road I am not so sure anymore if the path that seemed to be mine is really mine. I don’t know if I have chosen the right direction or if I actually want to go anywhere.

I kept asking myself whether I should blog if I am not sure why I am doing it.

Today I got up at six in the morning. I had no reason to do so, but I woke up with a sudden wish to jot something down. Does it mean that I have been missing writing all this time and that I need to take to it again? Probably yes. In the end, it doesn’t really matter if I know where the road goes. It goes somewhere, and, while I enjoy walking, why not pace along?

There were several times in my life when I felt an unexplained urge to do something new. I never questioned it, I just followed it. And years later, when looking back, I can see surprisingly pleasant results those initial impulses brought me to, although then, in the very beginning, I had no idea of what would await me ahead.

I guess it’s the same with blogging or writing in general. I don’t know where it will bring me. But I can go on and see what happens. When something pushes you from inside you should give in to that urge even if you can’t decipher the message of your inner self yet.

It is so easy to shut down and lose the habit of expressing yourself, especially after a couple of discouraging remarks from people who judge you by your words. But the truth is you don’t write for anyone else. You write because you want to say something out loud, to let go of the ideas and feelings that boil up in your head; otherwise they will have to steam out through your ears and nostrils or run out as tears through your eyes.

Come back to posting your tiny little thoughts, I say to myself. You need it, so just do it. As simple as that. Keep telling what wants to be told. And even if your way of expressing yourself is awkward and full of silly mistakes you still have the right to speak. While speaking aloud, you learn to free your heart and be who you are.

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30 thoughts on “Coming Back to the Road

      • So glad you decided to come back! Developing a protective skin against criticism is hard; learning which criticism to soak in is even harder. But it’s worth it. I think.

      • Thank you, Nate! I believe that constructive criticism can help you to improve your skills, but sometimes it provokes too many self-doubts, especially when you already have them on your own. I think I just needed a time-out to balance myself and realize what is it I want and what is important for me. 🙂

  1. The beautiful thing about being a writer is that you don’t need anyone’s permission, or certain hours and days, or any other reason to write other than that you feel the urge to do so. Happy to see that you felt the wonderful inspiration to write bubble up inside you once again.

  2. I was just away from Blog Land also – for ten days. I edited my “Following” list so I would receive no posts. When I came back and received Daily Digests again it was different. Some people like you were missing but I didn’t know where you were . A large number of the Posts were written by a people whose blogs I began following only recently. Most of them write poetry, which I’ve been writing lately. My reaction was awe at the endless possibilities that await me in Blog Land. When I wrote again (I go completely wire-less on vacation) I felt I was home again. I had an unexpected emotionally charged occurrence while I was away. Several days after my return I sat down at my computer and poured it out in “tiny little thoughts,” Then I KNEW I was home.

  3. Damn! This is excellent! I needed this, so thank you. You put into words so perfectly what I’ve been thinking recently. I’ve been blogging for nearly 3 years and I didn’t go into it with any preconceived notions or goals, I just started doing it. But as I travel the road, there are so many signs along the way that tell me to have a definite mission, a goal, a business plan. Why am I doing what I’m doing? Am I doing it right? Is this the voice I should be speaking with? Pffft. That’s all noise. I write because I have something to say. My way. And if that doesn’t get 500 page views a day, so be it. Because in the end, if I don’t write I miss it.

    • I think we all are under pressure of the idea that we ought to achieve some goals. And if we don’t achieve them or aren’t even sure what those goals are we believe that we are doing something wrong. These thoughts distract us and don’t allow us to have fun while doing things we truly love. So I decided to let go of all this noise and keep going because, just like you, if I don’t write, I miss it. 🙂

  4. “And even if your way of expressing yourself is awkward and full of silly mistakes you still have the right to speak.” What a great reminder! I blogged regularly for years & stopped for a few years. After having my twins last year, I found that I was posting long Facebook status updates and at least once a week someone would say, “You should really have a blog.” But now that I’ve started again, I often feel like I have nothing to say.

    Which, I suppose is a rather verbose way of saying, “Thanks for the permission to blog in my own way, even if I’m not sure what that way is exactly.”

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