Once upon a time there was a research (I can’t tell where, I can’t tell when, and not because it is a big secret, but because I read about it long ago and don’t remember details) the aim of which was to find out if spouses wanted to know what their better or worse halves want, dream or think about. The question wasn’t about a short-term clear-sight experience, it wasn’t about understanding someone right now or in any other particular moment. The question was if respondents wanted the thoughts and wishes of their husbands and wives to be transparent once and for all.
The majority of the research participants responded to this generous offer negatively. People who usually complain about not understanding their life partners or not being understood by them didn’t want total transparency of thoughts. They wanted to keep the brain spots private.
Does it make sense? Absolutely, in my humble opinion. It’s not that people usually have a lot of dark or dirty secrets we might be afraid to reveal, even though it can be true in some cases. What’s more important, I think, is that we have enough troubles dealing with that infinite chaos our own brain contains. We are not able to absorb a whole world of somebody else’s mind, and we believe, perhaps correctly, that it would be too much to get in touch with every doubt, every little concern and inner conflict of our life partners, relatives and friends. It would break any, even the most stable, relationship because an angel’s patience and compassion would not be enough for such a task.
It doesn’t mean we can’t share anything at all. I am sure that we have to share out thoughts, feelings and believes, this is the point of being in a relationship. But there are limits, and everyone needs a private corner and has a right to have it. Nobody wants to live with the Big Brother or play this role themselves. I don’t want to know anything a person is not wishing to share with me. When he or she is ready to open up I’m there to listen and help if I can, but before that, I don’t want any truth serum injected into their veins. Let them keep their truth to themselves.